Mysterious Man

He said so many strange things, seemed so thoughtful and wise. He spoke as if he were a thousand years old when he was only 33. He would go off by himself, away from the crowds. What did he do when he was up on the mountainside? Perhaps his friends watched him from a distance, seeing only his lips move, not knowing what he said.

He broke so many social rules, speaking to a trice-outcast woman at a well, confronting leaders as hypocrites, inviting himself to dinner at a tax-collector's house. He didn't have a place to lay his head; he went on foot from place to place. He told so many incomprehensible stories about things like yeast, coins, grapes, seeds, pearls, and weddings. Those listening could tell they were analogies, but didn't understand what he was analogizing.

What a weird man. What weird things happened around him! Think of all those blind, lame, deaf, bleeding, and dying people that flocked to him and came away raving about their healing, even though he told them not to. Why did he tell them to be silent about their healing?

What did he scribble in the sand at the stoning of the adulterous woman? What must she have thought when his simple, piercing question drove away her torturers, and he alone remained? How must she have looked up at him? I wonder what his face looked like when he told her to go and sin no more.

How amazing that a 12-year-old would somehow end up teaching the wisest of the wise in the temple! He must be special one; he will grow up to do great things.

Everyone expected him to do great things. If he was the Messiah, he would free them from Roman rule. He was the leader they looked for, but he was a meek, silent man who was led like a sheep to the slaughter to be crucified by the Romans. The people must have been shocked and totally bewildered as to what kind of leader he really was.

Did the earth really shake when he died, and did the temple veil really tear in half at that moment? It makes me wonder.

His followers were totally insane. What kind of crazy idiot would WANT to be crucified UPSIDOWN? They spoke in all kinds of unexpected languages and cared as little for money and possessions as anyone. They were glad to die, and there never ran out of people who were glad to die for him. 2000 years after this man lived, there are still people who rave about him.

I don't know how anyone can rest until they find the truth out about this mysterious man. Who is he and what is he about?

Significant Books, Part X

What if Heaven's not the afterlife, but rather, earth is the pre-life? This was the epiphany I had when reading Miracles by C.S. Lewis four Easters ago. This book made me consider the supernatural world at an entirely higher level. As a child, my idea of Heaven was a limited little dream world. I imagined flying over green hills, children playing, and a smiling Jesus sitting on a lawn chair. It wasn't a bad prospect, but I don't see it as worth dying a martyr's death.

What if Heaven's not the supernatural, but rather, earth is the sub-natural? This is a passage from the book that I will never forget:

Confusion between Spirit and soul (or "ghost") has here done much harm. Ghosts
must be pictured, if we are to picture them at all, as shadowy and tenuous, for
ghosts are half-men, one element abstracted from a creature that ought to have
flesh. But Spirit, if pictured at all, must be pictured in the very opposite
way. Neither God nor even the gods are "shadowy" in traditional imagination...If we must have a mental picture to symbolise Spirit, we should represent it as something heavier than matter.

A crude analogy of miracles in my mind is the idea of a 3-dimensional person strolling into a 2-dimensional world. He seems to break all the rules; he seems crazy and will probably be killed off. But he is the one with most substance; they simply can't comprehend it.

We are "real" because we are derived from the true Reality, the Existence, the I AM. The common cultural images of God simply won't do. If there is a supernatural Being like that, He must be absolutely terrifyingly unfathomable, but how many of us regard Him in that way?

Thinking about this makes me wonder about the growing belief in "spirituality," but not in God. It seems that we think that, if Nature is the only thing that exists, it must have existed forever self-sustainably, and is therefore somehow spiritual or supernatural. However, that leaves us with spiritual characterizations, but no Character, no Person.

I don't know if that will make sense to anyone reading this; I shied away from writing this post for a long while because Miracles has inspired me to ponder infinity more than any other book, and infinity is impossible to explain, only to expound upon...more...and more...and more...however, I think the expoundings of C.S. Lewis are well worth reading and re-reading.

The Breadth of Suffering

Meditating on the Passion of Christ reveals so many truths to the soul. It amazes me that the passion is so bloody and gruesome, but at the same time, comforting. Maybe comforting isn't the right word. Restoring. It would seem that God Himself endured every kind of suffering that we endure as humans. Christ must have been the most human man in history. He endured: hunger, temptation, poverty, fatigue, dread, betrayal of friends, indifference of friends, death of friends, being misunderstood, ostracism, attempted stoning, pain in the head, pain in the feet, pain in the hands, pain in the side, pain in the back, pain in the knees, inability to breathe, dizziness from blood loss, thirst, falling, falling again, mortification, splinters, falling again, watching his mother suffer, mockery, beatings, injustice, helplessness, feeling totally forsaken by God, death, hell. Is there anything we suffer that He doesn't understand?

Dressing Simply for Lent

This is the way I want to see clothes: Beauty is not in the outward adorning with braiding of hair, decoration of gold, & wearing of fine clothing. Clothes are beautiful, but they themselves are not beauty. Rather, beauty is in the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. What matters more: God's sight or man's? Which carries more weight? What did Our Lord Himself choose to wear when he walked on earth? He wore a simple tunic without seam, woven from top to bottom. Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin (nor shop); yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Is a child ever any less or more beautiful because of the way they're dressed? Truly, I say to you, unless you turn & become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Why do we trouble ourselves so much with things that have no eternal value? Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy. We should be ready to lay our garments across the back of the donkey that Jesus rode into Jerusalem. We should gladly lay them on the road before Him, praising Him. After all, He was stripped of His garments to be exposed on a criminal's cross for love of us. "Yet even now," says the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning; and rend your hearts & not your garments." The Lord desires our hearts. What good is it if we "offer" things up for 40 days if we have no love? It means nothing. We must offer it for a purpose; offer it with devotion. My heart should go first to Him, then everything else can follow: my wardrobe, my jewelry, my "style." Once my perspective is focused on Him, then I can have the right perspective on clothes.

Praying the Creed

To someone who was raised Evangelical, "praying" something like the Apostle's Creed is a little odd. It doesn't sound like a prayer; it doesn't address God (or anyone really). It's a statement of things we believe.

Well, our lives should be a statement of things we believe, and our lives should also be a prayer - daily presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God (Rom 12:1).

Then how are we living the Creed? Reciting it is only the verbal affirmation, but are we affirming it with our actions?

I believe in God.

...the Father. Really? Do I acknowledge my Father? Do I act as His child? Do I try to become worthy of His inheritance?

...the Almighty. Do I have proper awe and fear toward the One with all might? Do I trust in his power when I don't know how things will turn out, or do I try to be "almighty" over my own life?

...Creator of heaven and earth. When I walk outside, do I rejoice in the beauty of the created world? Do I rejoice in the beauty of people created in God's image?

I believe in Jesus Christ.

...His only Son, our LORD. Who has lordship over my daily thoughts and actions?

...who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary. Do I really believe in a man who was conceived in the womb of a virgin? If true, it was the most marvelous birth in history. Do I act like it was? Do I tell others about it?

...suffered under Pontius Pilate, was cruficied, died, and was buried. Do I daily remember the sacrifice that our Lord offered for us? The fact that God Himself would suffer in a human body and die should never cease to put us in awe or inspire us toward love.

...He descended into Hell. He'll do anything for us! He went to Hell and back to win our souls! What am I doing for Him?

...He ascended into Heaven. Do I acknowledge the power of the Man who confronted death, defeated it entirely, and then ascended to eternal life?

...He is seated at the right hand of the Father. If the Lord of my life is in the most powerful position of Heaven, why should I ever worry?

...from whence He shall come to judge the living & the dead. Am I preparing myself (and others) for a judgement day?

I believe in the Holy Spirit.



...the Holy Catholic Church. If I believe the Holy Spirit preserves this Church, shouldn't I follow and defend her?

...the communion of saints. Am I aware of the "cloud of witnesses" around me? Do I make an effort to learn from the wisdom of the saints? Do I ask for their prayers?

...the forgiveness of sins. Do I return continuously to God because I know He will forgive me, or do I stubbornly hold off on repentance?

...the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. What is the goal of my life, my first desire, my true home?

Amen. I want to be saying "Amen" with my life.

Significant Books, Part IX

This book has helped me understand freedom and love, desire and fulfillment, femininity and masculinity. I never realized how much I needed Mary till I read it. My Protestant heritage did not set up Mary to play a role in my spiritual life. As a new Catholic, I accepted Marian dogmas and devotion; I even defended them, but I didn't really love them till I read The World's First Love by Fulton Sheen.

In Mary I find my vocation as a person. God could work His will through her because she had humility.

My soul doth magnify the Lord / and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior / because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid.

And she could be perfectly glorified in her Assumption and Coronation because she had no self-glory. She gave everything she was to God, fulfilling her human purpose. This morning, I woke up with hope, because even though it may seem impossible for God to work His perfect will through me, I know He can because He's done it before -- with Mary.

My vocation as a person is to give glory to God, and none to myself. Then my spirit can truly rejoice like Mary in her Magnificat.

In her I find my vocation as a woman.

"She has the vocation of generating life, either in the flesh or in the spirit..." - Chapter 6 - The Virgin Mother

She gave physical life to Our Lord, and she gives spiritual life to the Church as its mother. We are "her offspring, those who keep God's commandments and bear witness to Jesus." (Revelation 12:17)

My vocation as a woman is to give life, which is to give Christ. Mary gave Christ as no other could have possibly done!

"The key to understanding Mary is this: We do not start with Mary. We start with Christ, the Son of the Living God! The less we think of Him, the less we think of her; the more we think of Him, the more we think of her; the more we adore His Divinity, the more we venerate her Motherhood; the less we adore His Divinity, the less reason we have for respecting her." - (Ch. 5)

Gifts of 2010

A year ago, spending the first few moments of January 1, 2010 in the candle-lit chapel, praying and singing with my sister and our friends, asking God to sustain us in the new year.

Many days (and nights) of ice-skating on the pond with my family - racing, jumping, misusing hockey sticks, spinning, falling, and laughing.

Passing by the Church every day after class, often stopping and encountering the supernatural graces of adoration.

Enjoying chapters of Moby Dick every night (for a goodly time), being awed, amused, and better educated on whaling ships. Enjoying Martin Chuzzlewit after that and getting my much-loved annual dose of Dickens.

A Lent without music. A Holy Thursday Mass and constant adoration with my father and sister until midnight. A fervent and glorious Easter Vigil.

High school graduation, 18th birthday, first job. The opportunity to increase my solidarity with humanity by working a cash register and a drive-thru. Praising God that I could find a job in the employment wasteland of my hometown.

Sitting in the heat and light of the sun on the community college lawn, closing my eyes to the music and choosing Deas Vail every single time.

Meeting a Dominican sister in the Dairy Queen. A few months later, getting a letter from halfway across the country, explaining that she had met a friend of mine who gave her my address. Beginning a treasured correspondence.

Taking a roadtrip with my sister, listening to (m)orning by Mae as we drove into a sunrising sky. Meeting our family at the campgrounds, getting caught hiking in the rain to find shelter in a cleft and pray a rosary.

Stargazing late into the night with Future of Forestry's Traveler's Song repeating on my iPod.

Picnicking for my sister's birthday. Picknicking with my cousins. Picknicking often on the college campus with newly made friends.

Making use of the school's tucked away meditation room and rediscovering the mysteries of the Gospel with what became a daily rosary.

Eating Swiss cheese, talking to fish, watching childrens' movies, burning popcorn, playing outdated board games, re-enacting ET, and swaying in unison with my first roommate in the freshman dorm.

A global issues class that blew my mind twice a week.

A Psalter's concert that brought Psalms to my lips for weeks afterward.

Moongazing with a stranger on the campus lawn and talking theology for hours into the night, losing favor with campus security. Having the widest range of philosophical discussions I've ever had in any one semester of school.

Watching my little siblings get older. Conversing with the 2-year-old whose default answer to any question was "applesauce." Playing and laughing with them.

Celebrating the 50th anniversary of both sets of grandparents! Savoring reunions and reminiscences and thanking God for my rare family heritage!

And the biggest gift of all: meeting my sister Maria on Christmas Day.