Man Does Not Live by Bread Alone

In the weeks before Ash Wednesday, there were many moments when I got drawn into some kind of indulgence (food, internet, music, &c), and had the burning thought, "I need Lent!" It surprised me how much my soul longed for fasting.

There's a yearning again A thirst for discipline A hunger for things that are deeper (Cry in My Heart - Starfield)

When I depend too much on material things, my orientation turns back into myself, my image, my desires. The selfish soul is a miserable soul. Fasting is so powerful because it purges out the selfishness and turns the soul's orientation outside of itself--up toward God, and around toward men. I love that fasting is such a physical discipline. As corporeal humans, we need that. We can't forget that Christ is human as well, and He has physically sacrificed Himself for us in every way. Can't we be a little hungry for Him? Can't we endure a little silence for Him? A passage from St. Augustine's Confessions helped me think of it this way: if we can't have the physical discipline to get out of our comfortable beds in the morning, how can we have the spiritual discipline to get out of our comfortable sins? Getting up early is a denial of self-pleasure, but once you do it you really begin to live. Getting out of our sins is a denial of our flesh, but we can't truly begin to live until we wake up. Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God. The discipline of Lent helps us to lose our dependence on material things and become more dependent on the Word of God. This scripture has always meant a lot to me, but as a Catholic it totally blows me away, and here's why: Christ is the Word spoken by the Father, and He is the Bread that gives us eternal life. He is our literal nourishment. During Lent, my goal is to lose some of my attachments to worldly comforts and start really living on Christ.

What We're Created For

Our bodies are designed to eat. Our mouths, teeth, salivary glands, tongue, esophagus, stomach...they all serve the purpose of nourishing us. When we don't eat, our bodies clearly communicate to us that something's wrong. They ache from pain and they yearn for food.

People everywhere are aching and yearning in pain from a different kind of malnourishment. They aren't doing what they are designed for, and they die.

Man has always asked what his purpose is. The question has existed for as long as man has existed. Why are we here?! What are we for, if anything? It's clear that we're designed for something larger than this life. Why else would we ache and yearn so much? We have so much desire inside of us that is almost always unsatisfied. Why? What do we desire?

We find comfort in relationships, in feeling wanted, and in feeling needed. We desire companionship, and most of all we NEED love. We find purpose and joy when we have love. It's the selfish, the lonely, and the closed souls who are miserable. To love is to have a healthy soul. To go without love is against our design, just like going without food goes against our design; it will make us sick and eventually kill us.

It's kind of like a love-shaped hole, but I wouldn't even call it a hole. I'd call it an existence. We're nothing without it.

We are nothing without the Creator. The Creator designed us in His image. Did you ever wonder what that means? It probably doesn't mean that he made us look physically like Him. I think that when He designed us, He designed us to love. That's His mark on us, because HE IS LOVE. And He didn't just put it in our souls, He did put it on our bodies as well. Sex is supposed to be a physical manifestation of love. That's why, when it's misused, it causes us so much pain.

If there is a heaven, then it must be made of love.

Significant Books, Part VI

[Again, this series of Significant Books isn't necessarily my favorite books, but rather, books that have influenced me in my life or shaped my philosophy in some significant way.]

Nearly 6 years ago, I was sitting in my Baptist Sunday School class as the teacher was handing out blank cards to everyone. "We want to make this class interesting and relevant to you," he said, "so write down anything you might want to learn more about, and we'll try to answer your questions in the coming classes." I wrote down the weightiest question on mind--"What is the difference between Catholics & Protestants, and why are Protestants right?"

At that point, Catholicism was a large question mark in my mind--grown larger from my parents obvious interest in it. I knew it was controversial, but I had never heard a clear explanation as to what it was or why it was supposedly teaching a "different gospel."

I was probably more attentive during our next Sunday School class than I had ever been before. Afterward, I was unconvinced. I knew the arguments didn't hold water, and I was dying to know how to answer them. Catholicism and Fundamentalism by Karl Keating was the first book Dad gave me to help answer my many questions. I ate this thing like candy. It solidified all that I knew was right, but couldn't explain till that point. It pointed out the Scriptures and gave a true representation of what the Church taught. For the first year of our conversion, as I searched the Scriptures with new openness, I used this book as a tool to understand what the Church taught about it and why.

This book really didn't change a thing about what I believed. I knew that I was a Christian and I wanted to follow God. But the Church gave me a fuller and deeper understanding of Christianity and the tools to follow God in even more radical ways. It made my Christian faith more of a reality.

The first half of this book exposes the holes in prominent anti-Catholic literature. The second half answers the common accusations against the Church. As I said, it was the first book of its kind I had ever read. It opened the door to MANY other books, and "Catholic apologetics" became one of my biggest passions. Catholicism and Fundamentalism will always be significant to me because it was a gateway for such a huge change in my life.

I am still very passionate about defending and building up the Church; in fact, it is one of the main reasons why I've gotten involved in blogging. After 5 years of being Catholic, I've received so many spiritual (and intellectual) gifts of God through the Church, and few things give me more joy than sharing that with others.

But really, the biggest thing that this book spurred on was not a desire to teach or explain Catholicism to others (though that goes along with it). The most amazing thing I've learned is that I can never stop learning! God is infinite, so we can go on learning about Him and growing closer to Him forever. I want to keep a hunger for the truth and an eagerness to share it.

Against Ingratitude

I've decided that I'm fed up with the attitude of students toward school. There just seems to be constant complaining, as if education were this horrible thing that nobody should have to undergo. Yes, I know that school can be a drag. As a high school senior, I've had my share of late-night cramming, piles of tough homework, & substandard teachers. And yes, I also know that our education system isn't the best. But learning is good, and whether it's always pleasant or not is beside the point. We should appreciate what we have and take advantage of it as much as we can.

If only we could change our perspective! I admit that I've been pulled into the trap of cynicism over the past 4 years. It's hard to sing a different tune from everyone else. But really, school can be enjoyable and rewarding when you're in the right mindset.

Education is a privilege. Learning is a valuable formative process. Knowledge is one of the most powerful tools we can use in our lives. Study gives us a wider understanding of the created world, and of God Himself. <--that's the kind of mindset we should be trying to stay in.

Lately, I've been liking school more. Trying to communicate in a different language is challenging, but rewarding. Finding frequencies, wavelengths, & energy of rays takes work, but it's gratifying. Sitting through a class on Western Civilization might not be my first choice of things to do at 9 AM, but it's interesting stuff that's worth knowing.

I'm in an elite group of people--I get the chance to have an education that billions of other kids have never had--and I need to be more grateful for that.

My Year in Books

I love exploring the vast world of classic literature. There's always another book to read (and sometimes it seems like I spend more time making lists of books than actually reading). Here's a list of a few of the books I read in 2009:

The House of the Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Hawthorne doesn't impress me as much with his actual stories as he does in pulling such feeling and poetry out of inanimate objects. It's almost as if the house is a main character--full of history, symbolism, & meaning. His books have a very unique aura that some people find too melancholy, but I enjoy it.

Middlemarch by George Eliot

This was such a pleasant English novel. I felt like I was just observing the lives and interactions in small community without necessarily reading a story, though there were plenty of twists and turns to keep it interesting. I appreciated that it was very driven by characters and dialogue. Eliot is always delightful in a good and simple way.

The Robe by Lloyd Douglas

This was a story about a young Roman tribune who lived during the time of Christ, was present at his crucifixion, and happened to cast lots for his robe. The robe was strange and fascinating to him, and caused him to seek out the truth about who Christ was. I loved the perspective of this story; it gave a fresh outlook on the life of Christ and his early disciples, both Jew and gentile.

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

This was very characteristic of its time in literature--many difficult life questions and a lot of drinking. There are many profound morals to be found in the protagonist's hard reminiscings about the Flyte family (ironically, flyte means "strife"). It shows what happens when religion becomes a mindless tradition. You fail to embrace it, but you can't ignore it, and you deteriorate from the inside. It's not the kind of genre that I typically read, but it's a fascinating rendering of apathy & sin.

The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

It's worth reading simply because it's the archetypal science fiction story. It has all the important characteristics of the genre. There are some insightful points on societal development, though philosophically the existence of God & thus the God-given nature of man is out of the picture. Still, it's an interesting read & significant literary piece. Besides, who can resist the enticement of time travel?

The Lord of the Flies by William Golding

There's no question that it's a gruesome story. Power, strife, greed, & the tendencies of man in society are nasty topics, and they're described crudely in this book with the title that means "Beelzebub." It's an exaggerated allegory that's rudely provoking (and probably a huge turnoff to literature for high school kids who are forced to read it in school...)

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

This is another rather crude book. (It seems like there was a lot of that this year, mostly because I've been focusing on reading well-known classics & books commonly used in the classrooms.) I appreciated this story, not really for its literary themes, but for its historical exposé, which I thought was brilliantly poignant. The last chapter was heart-rending. Simply put, it was an eye-opening masterpiece of misery.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Like Brideshead Revisited, this story was full of tormented minds and too much wine. It shows the shallow emptiness beneath the glittery American dream of the Roaring Twenties. Yes, the story was affecting, but unlike Brideshead, there was no hint of a redeeming entity.

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Here's another classic novel that I appreciate more for its insights into an historical era than for its literary themes. It's the story of a proud, self-absorbed Southern belle named Scarlett O'Hara. (I think it's the only story I've read with such a villainous protagonist!) I appreciated the reliable constancy of the characters. Each were predictable (or predictably unpredictable), and they all added to the story in their own way.

The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy

What a clever, charming little book! It was very engaging and entertaining; plus, the French Revolution was a fascinating time in history. I think I'd be a great book to read out loud my children someday.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

I can really only handle one massive Russian novel a year. They are so heavy--literally & figuratively, but they're entirely worth the effort. This book was my favorite of the year. The psychology of the characters, their detailed thoughts & interactions, and the resolutions of their fates were so interesting. There were some beautiful and profound passages, and some scenes that were perfectly cutting. The ending was so lucid and very stirring for me. It's one of those books that I hope to read again someday, and I know I'll get even more from it.

I'm glad I got a chance to write down my thoughts about some of this year's books, because to be honest, I have a pretty poor memory, so hopefully my notes will be able to refresh me on them in the future. I hope 2010 will have even more great books in store! I've been accumulating a lot of good non-fiction as well, and I'm looking forward to reading and learning lots more!

Happy New Year!

The Baby and the Bridegroom

Advent is a very reflective time for me. It's a time for expectation and preparation. I love that it's so richly reminiscent of ancient things, and so convicting and hopeful for the things yet to come. It shows the full and colorful canvas of Christianity.

It seems like so few people see that picture, though. I just wish they would remember how Christmas is Christ's Mass--the fulfillment of all God's promises and the ultimate feast.

The story of the "Christ Mass" began in Eden, when the need for a savior was created. God established his chosen people and sent a baby who would rescue them from slavery in Egypt. God revealed His truth to these people, and from them came prophecies--such beautiful, hopeful, longing prophecies! The people hoped and prayed for centuries; they sang psalms and they celebrated feasts that reminded them of God's salvation from slavery. They were unfaithful, yes, but they still had God's truth and they still had His promise.

Then God chose a woman, and unlike Eve, this woman obeyed Him. Out of her obedience came, not death, but LIFE for all mankind.

But you, Bethlehem-Ephrathah too small to be among the clans of Judah, From you shall come forth for me one who is to be ruler in Israel; Whose origin is from of old, from ancient times. (Therefore the Lord will give them up, until the time when she who is to give birth has borne, And the rest of his brethren shall return to the children of Israel.) He shall stand firm and shepherd his flock by the strength of the LORD... Micah 5:1-3

He came and fulfilled all those strange and beautiful prophecies. He was born to a small woman in a small cave in a small town called "House of Bread," visited by small shepherds to become a shepherd himself--a humble King. It's the wildest, most creative story I've ever read!

I'm bursting with anticipation for the Christ Mass! At midnight on December 25, I'll hear the ancient prophecies, sing the ancient psalms, and say the very words uttered by the ancient people of God. Then I'll partake in the feast of our salvation from slavery; I'll eat the bread that was placed in the food trough two thousand years ago--the redeeming flesh that was sacrificed on the tree.

We remember the advent of the child, and we prepare and purify our hearts for the advent of the bridegroom, when we'll celebrate the Mass of Christ--the great wedding feast--into eternity.

The Spirit of the Liturgy (Significant Books, Part V)

It being the first Sunday of Advent and the beginning of the new liturgical year, I thought it'd be fitting to write about The Spirit of the Liturgy by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (now Pope Benedict XVI). I read this exactly 2 years ago, so a lot of the details have left me. I hope I'll re-read it at some point, but the important thing is that the big picture has always stayed with me and inspired my thoughts at every Mass and every late stargazing night.

Liturgy, in practical terms, comes from the Greek leitourgia meaning "to perform public duty." Basically, it's the outward manifestation of faith. It's expressed by the Church most radically through the Mass, the celebration focused entirely on Christ's Eucharistic sacrifice. All liturgy points to Christ:

"...Christian worship is the practical application and fulfillment of the words that Jesus proclaimed on the first day of Holy Week, Palm Sunday, in the Temple in Jerusalem: 'I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself' (Jn 12:32)." - Chapter II

The liturgy is the celebration of Christ's sacrifice and our salvation - the cross and resurrection makes our communion with God possible. The liturgy is about God and man touching each other. It's our taste of heaven (literally). It's a mystery and it's a romance.

"The Christian theology of worship--beginning with St. John the Baptist--sees in Christ the Lamb given by God. The Apocalypse presents this sacrificed Lamb, who lives as sacrificed, as the center of the heavenly liturgy, a liturgy that, through Christ's Sacrifice, is now present in the midst of the world and makes replacement liturgies superfluous (see Rev 5)."

Our life on earth is just a preliminary to eternity. Our true home is in heaven. I love this word picture at the beginning of the book:

"Children's play seems in many ways a kind of anticipation of life, a rehearsal for later life, without its burdens and gravity. On this analogy, the liturgy would be a reminder that we are all children, or should be children, in relation to that true life toward which we yearn to go. Liturgy would be a kind of anticipation, a rehearsal, a prelude for the life to come, for eternal life...Seen thus, liturgy would be the rediscovery within us of true childhood, of openness to a greatness still to come, which is still unfulfilled in adult life."

This book was so profound for me because it showed how God uses the physical world to communicate with us. In bowing, kneeling, extending our hands in prayer...we are literally revering God with our bodies. We are tangible people, so God communicates with us in tangible ways, through art and music, through spoken and written words, through time changes & seasons, through nature, through bread. He wants to unite Himself with us, and every part of the liturgy is an expression of that. It's LITERAL - it's so very, very real. But the best part about it is that heaven will be even more real, and its beauty will never be exhausted.